Normalizing Non-Monogamy - Personal Stories of Polyamory, Swinging, and Beyond

When we first talked to Kevin on Episode 45 he’d been married for over a decade and he was in a handful of new-ish relationships. Nearly seven years later, he’s been married over 20 years and describes himself as being in all of the longest relationships he’s ever been in. Join us today for a wonderful conversation with Kevin about how he’s fostered stability and longevity in his polyamorous relationships for himself, his partners, and his whole family. You may recognize Kevin Patterson as the author of Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities, which came out in 2018, and as the creator of Poly Role Models, which was a weekly Tumblr page that told the poly origin stories of people from around the world. Kevin is also the author of the “For Hire” science fiction series. He published his latest book in the series earlier this year called “For Hire: The Price of Fame.” You can learn more about Kevin and all of his work on his website. Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

When Elaine first started dating she fell in love with multiple people pretty much right away and felt so much shame about it that it drove her to end the relationship she was in. She tried serial monogamy for a while and then in college she had her first threesome with her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend… Her mind was blown and a whole new world opened up for her that she didn’t know was possible! Today, Elaine is a happily married polyamorous woman in her thirties diving into as many of the adventures life has to offer as she can! Her excitement and passion for exploring human connection, sexuality, and relationships is infectious and she describes her polyamorous relationships as the most easeful she’s ever experienced because she can finally just be herself! Of course, it hasn’t necessarily been easy getting to where she is and throughout this powerful conversation she talks about many of the challenges she’s faced along the way. Threesomes weren’t just Elaine’s gateway into polyamory, they were incredibly healing for her and now she’s on a mission to help others have better threesomes as well! Today, Elaine works as a Threesome Facilitator, taking couples on threesome journeys that transform fantasy into profound connection. With years of experience navigating triads and polycules, she specializes in creating playful, trust-building spaces where couples can explore together safely. Her approach is all about deepening connection, building compersion, and helping couples have the kind of transformative experiences that changed her own life. You can learn more about Elaine and her work on her website! Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Jacob and Josh are both from Puerto Rico and met about 17 years ago while working together on a film project and began dating… Sort of. As you’ll hear, they’ve spent a lot of their relationship exploring the grey zones of relationships. Their own relationship started out a bit ambiguously and their explorations with others often fell in the blurry area between friends, hookups, and boyfriends. We absolutely love how Josh and Jacob share their journey together with us in such an honest and vulnerable way. They’re not here to pretend like everything they’ve done is perfect but rather they dig into the messy humanness of figuring out love and relationships as life swirled around them. They've learned so much about themselves along the way and they're still constantly striving to discover new ways to show up better for themselves and one another. This is a really beautiful and powerful story and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did! Jacob and Josh are also working on a new film project called “Three of Swords” which will begin production in the spring of 2026. You can learn more about Jacob, Josh, and their new film over at threeofswordsfilm.com. Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Nicole was raised inside conservative and fundamentalist Christianity and can remember feeling her first inklings of her own queerness in elementary school but knew she had to shut it down and hide it. The fear and shame of becoming broken and invaluable as a woman ruled her life for many years. Healing and recovering from trauma is a lifelong journey and practice that Nicole has dedicated herself to both personally and professionally. Join us today as Nicole shares her incredibly powerful story of transformation and liberation in breaking free from the grips of religious dogma to reclaim her life, her body, and her right to feel pleasure again. The way Nicole currently describes her life on her website is so beautiful and we hope you find her story as inspiring as we did! “Today, I live a life that once felt unreachable: surrounded by loving, supportive partners in queer, polyamorous connection, educating the world about pleasure and consent, supporting clients in profound transformation, providing psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, and inviting you into the continued exploration.” Nicole is a sex and relationship therapist, the founder of The Pleasure Practice, and the host of the Modern Anarchy podcast! Her work weaves together somatic psychology, trauma-informed care, liberation-based theory, and her advanced clinical training in psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy and certification in Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy. Check out Nicole’s website for more information about her work! Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Matt was first introduced to non-monogamy about 15 years ago when he moved to the San Francisco area and saw how his friends were exploring open relationships and polyamory… He’d sort of naturally been loving everybody in an open-hearted way but had no idea what was possible! In our lovely conversation today, Matt takes us through his journey of learning about himself by exploring various relationship styles over the years. We also dive into the powerful impact that play parties have had on him and not just as a pathway for learning about consent and finding community, but also in meeting some of the needs that he’d historically met through partnerships. Matt’s passion for building community, creating incredible play parties, and continuing to grow and learn along the way is infectious and we hope you enjoy this interview as much as we did! A bit more about Matt straight from his website! Matt Sturm is a guide for transformational experiences and an author. He works with people to slow down, to come into their bodies, and to connect to their innate inner wisdom. Matt holds a strong, clear container for healing, intimacy, and spiritual awakening within a variety of contexts. These include psychotherapy, psychedelic-assisted therapy, sacred sexuality, breathwork journeys, and men’s retreats. He runs the Living Kosmos integral mystery school based on his deck, the Living Kosmos tarot. He is the author of two books The Organic Masculine, and Primal Drives – both are integral and archetypal workbooks on masculinity. You can learn more about Matt and all of work over on his website at mattsturm.com. Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Ashton grew up in a super conservative and religious home, didn't date in high school, and had her first kiss when she was 18... But that was then. Things are a bit different now! Ashton is now in her forties and has been practicing polyamory and non-monogamy for about 15 years. As she describes it, when she found polyamory it was as if the heavens opened up and the angels sang. While she's no longer a member of the fundamentalist church she grew up in, she has been very involved in the United Church of Christ since college and at one point was even a Deacon. Ashton's friendships are often ambiguous as she prefers to let connections find their natural level and she currently has what she calls "a squad of lover-friends." Join us today for this wonderful conversation as Ashton shares with us her journey of exploring her sexual and relationship identities while raising a daughter and being a dedicated member of her local church community. Ashton also helps lead and organize non-monogamy events and groups in the Fargo area. You can find more information here! Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Join us May 1-3, 2026 in Florida for our biggest in-person event ever! Check out the Relationship Recess webpage and get your ticket here! Check out the launch video here!

It’s been about two years since we last talked with Rachel on Episode 307 and a LOT has changed… As always, no need to go back and listen to get a ton out of this conversation! Rachel has been non-monogamous for about 15 years and for about the last two years she’s been exploring solo polyamory. For as long as she can remember she’s always wanted to be a parent and a little over a year ago she made the decision to have a child using a donor without having a co-parent… Or, as she calls it: Rogue Mom. In our conversation today Rachel talks about the challenges of being a woman in her thirties watching her biological clock tick down as she tries to build a career and life that society deems adequate for raising kids. However, Rachel's life and career don't need to meet society's expectations and standards because what truly matters is that they meet her own. Rachel takes us through her decision to go rogue and everything she had to go through to make it actually happen. She also shares with us how she’s built an incredible support team around her made up of family, friends, professionals, and her community. This is such a beautiful conversation full of love and joy as Rachel shares her excitement around becoming a Rogue Mom just a few months from when recorded this. There’s even a surprise or two hidden in here! Enjoy! A bit more about Rachel taken straight from her website: Rachel Lark is a writer, composer, and performer known for her incisive and catchy anthems about taboo topics. Lark’s music has been heralded for blending heartfelt lyrics with biting political satire, fearless authenticity, and raunchy wit. She is the creator of Coming Soon: A New Rock Musical which sold out its two week run in San Francisco and earned the highest rating from the San Francisco Chronicle. She was named one of the most powerful LGBTQ voices of San Francisco by SF Magazine and Salon Magazine called her “the poster girl for period sex.” Lark’s work empowers people to chase connection, pleasure and political action by inviting audiences into a shared cathartic experience of mutual recognition and dissatisfaction with the status quo. Her razor-sharp perspective invites anyone (even those with opposing views) to dream up a better world. Please check out all of Rachel’s work on her website and support her on Patreon! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Ryan first started experiencing a cognitive dissonance with regards to relationships pretty much from the beginning of dating in high school. In many ways, relationships just didn’t make sense to him in his twenties so he basically took a break and focused on things he did enjoy rather than trying to force his way into the dating game. At about age 30 Ryan discovered some books and podcasts that introduced him to the idea of non-monogamy and polyamory and the rest is history… He dove right in. Over the last 14 years Ryan has been practicing non-monogamy in various configurations including a quad, a triad, and also being with his partner monogamously as life required at times. Ryan also shares his experience in navigating relationships as someone who realized a few years ago in his late thirties that he’s autistic. As he describes it “It would be easier for me to solve a Rubik’s cube with my feet while blindfolded than to read non-verbal and social cues.” Even though he doesn’t have a medical diagnosis, his realization is helping him find tools that have made a huge difference in his life. This is a wonderful conversation and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

"It's funny... I was monogamous for nine years with a man and now I'm a lesbian and I'm polyamorous... So, life can really take you by surprise." There really isn't a better synopsis than that of what our conversation today with Eileen is about. Her story is incredibly powerful and shares echos of previous interviews we've had with women who thought for so long that they were super straight only to realize that wasn't exactly the case. Eileen digs into her journey of coming out and embracing polyamory in a a confusing world where neither of those "options" are really even options for most young women. A bit more about Eileen from her website: I'm Eileen Hanley, an actor, singer, filmmaker and Aries originally from Portland, Maine and based in New York City. My work uses both comedy and drama to explore the dichotomy of good and evil, focusing on complex, morally grey queer women. I am passionate about telling stories of complicated, deeply flawed people struggling to do the right thing. I like to see people get messy, on screen, onstage, in song, and that is the type of work I like to make. Learn more about Eileen and all of her work including her short film "What Are We?" on her website! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Nyxie did the serial monogamy approach to relationships from the time they started dating until they were in their early twenties. That's when Nyxie realized they didn't necessarily need to be in a relationship to get many of their needs met and so they began exploring solo polyamory. However, it was the early 2000's and the language didn't quite exist yet so Nyxie affectionately refers to this as their "Slut Era." Nyxie's Slut Era lasted until they met their spouse (who was also non-monogamous) about 19 years ago. Early in their relationship they decided together that they wanted to be monogamous for a while. And so they did. Right around the beginning of 2020 they decided their kids were old enough and it was time to open up again... Today, Nyxie and their spouse are both exploring non-monogamy in their own unique ways. Nyxie is currently in a triad, has a submissive, and a "whole galaxy" of play partners. In this wonderful interview Nyxie dives into all the nuances of their relationships, exploring kink, raising a family, and navigating non-monogamy with a spouse who has a completely different approach. Nyxie isn't just passionate about sex, kink, and relationships in their personal life... It's also their life's work! From Nyxie's website: Nyxie Noc is a seasoned and compassionate Domme with decades of experience as a sex worker, fetish content producer, and educator in kink, consent, and advocacy. It has supported conduct and consent teams for various kink and sex-positive organizations and has provided safer-play orientations to over 850 participants, along with personnel orientations to more than 100 staff members within these communities. Nyxie’s work is driven by a passion for the freedom of expression found within kink, and it values the transformative power of every scene and interaction. It is dedicated to creating safer, more inclusive play spaces and fostering supportive communities. Please check out all of Nyxie's work over on their website! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Rowan and Aeryn's relationship began a bit ambiguously about a decade ago and now they've been married for just over four years. They started out as best friends and Aeryn was sort of doing non-monogamy without the labels or framework. By his own admission it wasn't exactly the most ethical approach. As he puts it... "I was not good at monogamy." In this beautiful conversation Rowan and Aeryn take us through the ups, downs, and realities of figuring out love, relationships, parenting, their individual sexualities and genders, and life. It hasn't been easy but about two years ago everything started clicking and they found their stride a bit. They're currently in a triad, Aeryn has a few other partners, and Rowan is dating here and there. This interview is bursting with love! The way these two love and support one another through thick and thin is such an inspiration and we hope you enjoy this chat as much as we did! Oh! And don't forget to check out Aeryn's karaoke chops! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Sarah is back! We last had the pleasure of talking with Sarah back in the beginning of 2022 on Episode 217 and a lot has changed since then... Spoiler alert: Sarah is now a mother! Today, Sarah catches us up on her adventures from the last few years and we dive into her journey into motherhood, how she and her partner navigate dating as new-ish parents, and what her shift towards polyamory has looked like. Sarah is also a writer and coach who's dedicated to helping people have more secure, intimate, and exciting relationships! You can learn more about Sarah and her work on her website: www.monogamish.me Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Kristen's journey is one of perseverance, resilience, curiosity, and self-discovery. She refers to her thirties as her "waking up period" and her forties as her "sexual self-actualization." Now in her fifties, she feels like everything is integrating together... She currently identifies as a relationship anarchist who's excited about, and open to, the infinite possibilities and uncertainty of life. Kristen's story is incredibly powerful and inspiring and we hope you get as much from it as we did! Kristen is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) who works in California. You can find more information about her work as a therapist on her website here and you can learn more about The Non-Monogamy Card Game here! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Sonia is back... Again! Sonia joined us on episodes 193 and 388 with her husband Gabriel and this time she's back with her partner Steven who's joining us for the first time. Don't worry! You won't be lost today if you haven't listened to the previous episodes with Sonia and Gabriel. Sonia and Steven have been together for just over eight years and each of them came to their partnership having explored non-monogamy for quite a few years. This interview is really powerful as they share their individual experiences of building their relationship within the hierarchical dynamic of Sonia's marriage. We loved having the opportunity to talk with them both about the nuances, challenges, and benefits of hierarchy in their partnership. Steven shares his perspective on what it's like for him to be the "secondary" partner as he takes us through the journey that he's been on figuring out what he needs for himself. Similarly, Sonia talks about the realities of priority and hierarchy in her life as she juggles a demanding career and multiple committed partnerships. Together, they share how they've worked their butts off, individually and as a couple, to build a really beautiful and fulfilling relationship... And, it definitely hasn't been easy! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Carrie and Drew have been married about 10 years and are high school sweethearts who grew up in pretty religious families with purity culture heavily influencing them both, and their partnership. A few years ago Carrie found a queer content creator and therapist on Instagram who opened her mind to the possibility of choice for herself for the first time in her life. Around this time, Carrie and Drew did a yes/no/maybe quiz about sex and discovered that they shared an interest in exploring with other people. So, they started talking about it... a lot... and eventually decided to make a profile on a dating app to see if they could make the fantasy a reality. And, they did! Carrie vulnerably takes us through growing up with the pressure and confusion of religion and purity culture and the impact these had on her sexuality and on their relationship. She also shares about the experiences she and Drew had with another couple before ultimately deciding that the amount of energy it took for her to remain regulated while swinging was too much. Carrie and Drew still consider themselves religious and while swinging isn't the best fit for them at the moment, they're still seeking new ways to explore the endless possibilities of sex, pleasure, and intimacy together. Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Ayala first read The Ethical Slut in high school and actually started dating non-monogamously from the beginning of her relationship explorations. It wasn't until about a decade later that she intentionally set out to see what monogamy was all about. Today, Ayala identifies as ambiamorous... Content and happy with either monogamy or non-monogamy, depending on the relationship. This interview with Ayala is full of so much wisdom and insight and is just a really lovely conversation about her relationship journey. One of the things we love is when we have the opportunity to talk to therapists about their own relationships and we got to do just that with Ayala! Ayala is a sex and relationship therapist who describes herself on her website much better than we ever could! I’m Ayala Kalisher, a therapist who specializes in helping people access more safety, connection and pleasure in their lives. My approach blends traditional and cutting-edge modalities to help clients navigate stuck patterns, relationships, and personal growth with more ease and authenticity. I believe therapy should be a place where you get to feel seen, supported, and empowered. Whether you’re seeking relief from painful past experiences, struggling in your relationships, or looking for a therapist who isn’t afraid to talk about sex, I welcome you as you are. Oh! Ayala also co-created The Non-Monogamy Card Game, as well! Please head over to Ayala's website to learn more about her work and don't forget to grab a copy of her card game! Enjoy! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Courtney and Derek were both on the show separately over the past two weeks and today we're delighted to bring them on together to tell their very own love story! Both of their individual stories are incredible and we definitely recommend listening to them but you will NOT be lost today if you haven't already listened. Courtney and Derek's story stands on its own and it's a love story for the ages! Trigger warning... This is a sappy and mushy love story told in great detail and we're so here for it! It's also full of laughter and hilarious anecdotes! Courtney and Derek met online a few years ago and since then have fallen pretty madly in love. Today's interview is unique in that we get to hear what was going on for each of them as they began forming their partnership while the imperfect human-ness of life swirled around them. Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Courtney just turned 50 and has been exploring polyamory and non-monogamy for the last three years or so... However, her story begins long before she and her husband of 16 years opened their relationship in 2022. Today, Courtney takes us all the way back to the first time she had simultaneous crushes at age four... Rocky and Superman! Today's interview with Courtney is full of laughter, joy, heartbreak, whirlwind relationships, self-discovery, and beautifully vulnerable and powerful stories of life and love. Join us! You won't regret it. And! If Courtney's story resonated for you and you're looking at real estate in the Asheville area, please reach out to her through her website! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

If you were thinking of skipping this one, consider rethinking that... Derek first learned about polyamory from one of the original writings on the subject in Green Egg Magazine back in 1990 (see link in show notes below)... He was in his early twenties and showed it to his college girlfriend and they sort of jumped right in! They explored non-monogamy together for a few years before parting ways and Derek found himself "scared back into monogamy" for many years. Fast-forward just a couple years and Derek gets married in 2015... When he met his wife, Kay, a few years prior he brought up the idea of non-monogamy but she wasn't interested. However, she brought the idea back to him in 2016 and they decided to open their relationship for about a year before starting a family. When their son was about three they decided to open up again and during the time they had closed their partnership Kay had come out to him as queer. Then, around 2021 Kay came out to Derek as a lesbian. Today, Derek and Kay are nesting co-parents and are rebuilding their friendship. Derek also has a girlfriend of about 18 months who lives nearby and describes himself as ambiamorous... Comfortable with both monogamy and non-monogamy. Join us today as Derek shares his incredibly powerful and beautiful story. Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet! Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing