Bill The Vampire
Rick Gualtieri
THERE ARE REASONS WE FEAR THE NIGHT. HE’S NOT ONE OF THEM.
My name’s Bill and I have no life, but not because I enjoy video games or D&D. I literally have no heartbeat thanks to the night I met Sally. She was too good to be true, a woman worth dying for. So, I did.
Problem is, I didn’t stay dead.
Now I’m a vampire, surrounded by undead freaks who are stronger and faster than me – not to mention better looking. It’s enough to give a guy a complex. Worse, their leader, a douche-canoe called Night Razor, hates my guts.
It might be because he can’t control me, or maybe it’s because he’s a dick. Whatever the case, he’s given me just ninety days to prove I’m not an embarrassment to his coven.
If I fail, my ass is toast. Too bad my friends are more interested in setting me on fire, while Sally’s using me as her personal stepstool in the vamp hierarchy.
Things don’t look good. I may be a blood-sucking predator of the night, but I’m still at the bottom of the food chain.
----------
Bram Stoker meets Shaun of the Dead in Bill The Vampire – book one of The Tome of Bill, the vampire comedy series that’ll leave you thirsting for more.
If you're a fan of Christopher Moore, Jim Butcher, or What We Do in the Shadows, this hilarious horror comedy will keep you entertained from dusk till dawn.
Don’t miss out on this bloody good time! Grab your copy of Bill The Vampire now and prepare to die laughing.
Content Warning: This book contains violence, gore, crude humor, and a buttload of swearing.
Duration - 7h 40m.
Author - Rick Gualtieri.
Narrator - Christopher John Fetherolf.
Published Date - Monday, 23 January 2023.
Copyright - © 2012 Rick Gualtieri ©.
Location:
United States
Networks:
Rick Gualtieri
Christopher John Fetherolf
The Tome of Bill
Freewill Press
English Audiobooks
Findaway Audiobooks
Description:
THERE ARE REASONS WE FEAR THE NIGHT. HE’S NOT ONE OF THEM. My name’s Bill and I have no life, but not because I enjoy video games or D&D. I literally have no heartbeat thanks to the night I met Sally. She was too good to be true, a woman worth dying for. So, I did. Problem is, I didn’t stay dead. Now I’m a vampire, surrounded by undead freaks who are stronger and faster than me – not to mention better looking. It’s enough to give a guy a complex. Worse, their leader, a douche-canoe called Night Razor, hates my guts. It might be because he can’t control me, or maybe it’s because he’s a dick. Whatever the case, he’s given me just ninety days to prove I’m not an embarrassment to his coven. If I fail, my ass is toast. Too bad my friends are more interested in setting me on fire, while Sally’s using me as her personal stepstool in the vamp hierarchy. Things don’t look good. I may be a blood-sucking predator of the night, but I’m still at the bottom of the food chain. ---------- Bram Stoker meets Shaun of the Dead in Bill The Vampire – book one of The Tome of Bill, the vampire comedy series that’ll leave you thirsting for more. If you're a fan of Christopher Moore, Jim Butcher, or What We Do in the Shadows, this hilarious horror comedy will keep you entertained from dusk till dawn. Don’t miss out on this bloody good time! Grab your copy of Bill The Vampire now and prepare to die laughing. Content Warning: This book contains violence, gore, crude humor, and a buttload of swearing. Duration - 7h 40m. Author - Rick Gualtieri. Narrator - Christopher John Fetherolf. Published Date - Monday, 23 January 2023. Copyright - © 2012 Rick Gualtieri ©.
Language:
English
Opening Credits
Duration:00:00:17
Chapter 1: The Day I Died
Duration:00:07:51
Chapter 2: Before I Became the Dearly Departed
Duration:00:06:41
Chapter 3: The Day Before the Day I Died
Duration:00:16:10
Chapter 4: A Party to Die For
Duration:00:14:10
Chapter 5: Be Still, My Beating Heart
Duration:00:04:07
Chapter 6: Bill the Vampire
Duration:00:12:56
Chapter 7: It Sucks To Be a Vampire
Duration:00:22:27
Chapter 8: Sunday Bloody Sunday
Duration:00:20:41
Chapter 9: Coming Clean
Duration:00:09:53
Chapter 10: The Long Road ... err, Train, Back Home
Duration:00:14:01
Chapter 11: How Do We Sleep When Our Beds Are Burning?
Duration:00:08:40
Chapter 12: One Will Stand, One Will Fall
Duration:00:12:51
Chapter 13: And Now for a Kung-Fu Training Montage
Duration:00:11:24
Chapter 14: Back To the Meat Grinder
Duration:00:10:59
Chapter 15: History Lesson
Duration:00:17:57
Chapter 16: Date Night
Duration:00:43:55
Chapter 17: The Dork Tower
Duration:00:24:39
Chapter 18: Kicking Ass and Taking Names
Duration:00:14:06
Chapter 19: The Terror That Flaps in the Night
Duration:00:10:13
Chapter 20: 99 Problems and a Bitch is Definitely One
Duration:00:13:14
Chapter 21: Vampire on Vampire Action
Duration:00:14:24
Chapter 22: The Road Trip of the Damned
Duration:00:25:19
Chapter 23: On the Road Again
Duration:00:28:01
Chapter 24: Grudge Match
Duration:00:25:47
Chapter 25: Here Comes the Sun...
Duration:00:55:55
And, Of Course, There's an Epilogue
Duration:00:12:57
Author Greeting
Duration:00:00:18
Ending Credits
Duration:00:00:22