Dates & Mates with Damona Hoffman

Your best friend used to be your first call. Now you have to schedule weeks in advance just to see her, and her new boyfriend keeps calling your friendship "codependent." A listener named Sarah shares: "My best friend and I have been inseparable for six years. We talk every day, we're each other's emergency contacts, and honestly she feels more like family than my actual family. But lately her new boyfriend has been making comments about how 'codependent' we are and how she needs to 'prioritize him now.' She's starting to pull back and it's breaking my heart. Am I wrong to feel like she's my person? How do I communicate to her that what we have matters just as much without sounding jealous or clingy?" In this episode, we unpack the invisible hierarchy of love that puts romance at the top and pushes friendships aside. You'll hear why speaking up for the relationships that matter isn't selfish, it's necessary, and how to advocate for your connections without being dismissed as jealous or needy. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why romantic love doesn't automatically rank higher than friendship love How the "codependent" label gets weaponized against close friendships What it means when a partner asks someone to "prioritize him now" The real reason you're afraid of sounding jealous or clingy How to start the conversation without triggering defensiveness When to recognize someone is making you smaller in their life Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life? Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a relationship question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Uncommon Goods makes holiday shopping stress-free and joyful with thousands of one-of-a-kind gifts you can't find anywhere else. So shop early, have fun, and cross some names off your list today. To get 15% off your next gift, visit UncommonGoods.com/DatesMates. ________________________________________________________________________ Ever meet someone you really like, but there's this invisible wall around certain topics they won't talk about? A listener named Kristen shares: "I met this guy on Hinge and we've gone out on three dates. We've talked about some personal things about family and stuff, and we have a lot of things in common. One of the things is we were both raised by single parents and one of the parents he's not as close to, and he said it's like a touchy subject for him. So I want to respect that. But I also wanna know a little bit more just to understand how they grew up and how they are as a person and all that jazz, you know?" In this episode, we explore the delicate balance between curiosity and respect, and how to navigate those closed doors in early dating. You'll hear why someone saying "it's a touchy subject" is actually valuable information and how to build trust without pushing too hard. What You'll Hear In This Episode: What "touchy subject" really means The paradox of wanting to protect yourself while giving someone space Is 3 dates, once a week the right pace for slow love? How trust gets built in tiny moments The difference between healthy boundaries and emotional unavailability How to model vulnerability in a new relationship Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life? Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a relationship or dating question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever meet someone who feels right on every emotional level, but the finance math ain’t mathin’? A listener named Ray shares: "I met a wonderful man online. We went on two amazing dates. He's attentive, attractive, and dare I say we had a magical connection. Here's the thing: it seems he's going through a major life transition. He quit his tech job nine months ago and has been figuring it out. His phone only works on Wi-Fi and he might need to figure out a different living situation to cut costs. I've worked really hard to get to where I'm at today. I'd like someone who could meet me halfway. Is this a deal breaker?" In this episode, we get real about what financial compatibility actually means and why wanting stability doesn't make you materialistic. You'll hear why a magical connection alone isn't enough and how to tell the difference between someone in transition versus someone who's stuck. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Red flags that deserve your digital detective skills What "meeting halfway" really means What is a fair contribution to ask from a partner How to contribute if you or your partner earns less How resentment builds in a new relationship. The questions you should be asking when someone's story doesn't quite add up Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life?Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a relationship or dating question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever feel stuck managing someone else's emotional chaos when you're just trying to get through the day? This week we're tackling a different kind of relationship: the one between you and your boss. What happens when someone in a professional setting starts treating you like their therapist, and you can't just hit mute, unsubscribe, block and delete and walk away? This week, a listener shares: "My boss talks to me like I'm her best friend…way too much info. Relationship problems, family drama, sometimes mid-meeting she'll start telling a story that's got nothing to do with work. It's super uncomfortable, but I also don't wanna create tension. How do I keep things professional when the person in charge doesn't seem to know where the line is?" In this episode, we talk about why oversharing is a form of emotional manipulation and how to set clear but compassionate boundaries. You'll hear how to redirect without drama, why the post-pandemic return to office made boundaries messier, and how the pattern of stuffing down your feelings at work shows up in your romantic relationships too. What You'll Hear In This Episode: When nice doesn't mean safe Why emotional dumping creates liability not connection Three real ways to redirect oversharing without risking your job Why boundaries make you trustworthy, not cold How stuffing down your feelings at work shows up in your romantic relationships Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life?Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a relationship question?DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are sharing a special episode this week, from Dr. Sharon Malone's new podcast, The Second Opinion. On this show, women take back the conversation on health with straight talk, real experience, and the care we all deserve. You’ll hear prominent female advocates, experts and patients just like you sharing how they confronted gaps in our healthcare system and got second opinions that saved their lives. Alongside each guest, Dr. Sharon tackles the questions and topics we’ve been conditioned to ignore - the ones we search for at 3 a.m. but never bring up at the doctor’s office. From dismissed symptoms to systemic failures, she pulls back the curtain on what’s really going on in women’s health and gives women the tools to advocate for themselves and each other. In this episode, Dr. Sharon talks to CNN anchor and analyst Laura Coates about how she almost died during childbirth, her experience with early menopause and how she handles hot flashes on air and at home. Dr. Sharon shares menopause warning signs and helps Laura connect what she thought were individual experiences to menopause. And the two discuss the need for improved awareness around suffering through menopause and the benefits of Hormone Replacement Therapy. Listen to more of The Second Opinion: damonahoffman.com/secondopinion Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever feel like you're speaking different languages with your partner, literally? When one of you wants deep conversations over text and the other needs to actually hear a voice, it's not just frustrating. It's creating real distance. This week, a listener shares: "I'm seeing this guy and we have totally different ways of communicating and it's starting to become a problem. He's all about texting, like everything is through text with him. He wants to have these deep conversations over text and I'm more of a 'can we just call, can we actually talk?' person. Last week I had something I really needed to bring up with him and I texted him about it since that's what he prefers and it went so wrong." In this episode, Damona unpacks why text-based communication has disrupted relationships more than dating apps ever did, what different communication preferences reveal about emotional processing, and how to bridge the gap without losing yourself in the compromise. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why texting is a new form of communication that must be learned How the “Why” behind someone’s communication style tells you everything A practical framework for having "communication about communication" Scripts for setting up “The Talk” about communication New ways to assess compatibility 4 ways to reconnect beyond a text message Resources & Links: Want to track what's working (and what's not) in your dating life? Download the free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com/datetracker Got a communication question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave a voicemail or text at 424-246-6255 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Help Dates & Mates win a Signal Award! Vote by October 9th at damonahoffman.com/award Loving someone who can't love you back the same way is one of the most tender, complicated situations in relationships. Sometimes the safest relationship in your life becomes the hardest one to navigate, and the person who knows you best is also the one you want most. This week, a listener shares: "I'm in love with my best friend. I'm a queer woman in my thirties and she's straight in her mid to late twenties. We've gotten progressively closer to the point where people think we are dating. My therapist told me my friend is the safest relationship that I have in my life. So sometimes I do wonder if what I'm perceiving as romantic love is just a really healthy friendship. Do I tell my best friend I'm in love with her? If I don't, how do I protect my heart and continue to have this incredible friendship that I never want to give up?" In this episode, Damona explores what happens when deep friendship intersects with romantic feelings. You'll hear about the difference between emotional safety and romantic compatibility, why fantasy relationships feel easier than real ones, and how to navigate truth-telling without causing collateral damage to the relationship that matters most. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why feeling safe with someone doesn't automatically make them your romantic match How staying in the fantasy can keep you emotionally unavailable to real possibilities The critical questions to ask yourself before revealing feelings to a friend What it costs you to stay silent when romantic feelings are involved Why creating distance might be the most clarifying move you can make right now How to baby step into gauging openness without risking everything at once What it means to proceed with compassion for both yourself and your friend Resources & Links: Got a relationship question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook Leave a voicemail or text: 424-246-6255 Dates & Mates is a finalist for a Signal Award! We need your support to ensure Love Wins! Vote for Dates & Mates at ⁠damonahoffman.com/award⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you believe that Love Wins? Dates & Mates is a finalist for our first-ever Signal Award, and we need every single listener to make their voice heard. We are the ONLY relationship-focused and independently produced podcast nominated in the How To & Advice category. If you have ever been helped, inspired, or changed by listening to this podcast, this is the moment to let me know. It takes 30 seconds or less to VOTE at damonahoffman.com/award. ********************************** You've mastered the logistics of life together, but somewhere along the way, you stopped actually living it together. This week, a listener shares: "I'm lonely in my own marriage. We've been together 12 years and we're like this well-oiled machine. Kids get to practice, bills are paid, house doesn't fall apart, but that's it. We don't actually talk anymore, just coordinate. Last week I realized we hadn't had a real conversation in probably two months. When I brought it up, he was like, 'what's wrong? We're good. We don't fight.' But I'm dying here. I miss my husband." In this episode, Damona explores what happens when couples perfect the art of co-managing but lose the skills of co-connecting. You'll hear why functional doesn't have to mean emotionally empty, and how to bridge the gap when one person doesn't even see the problem. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why becoming a "well-oiled machine" can actually work against your relationship How to practice intimacy skills the same way you schedule soccer practice The difference between absence of conflict and presence of connection Why two months without real conversation signals an emotional drought How to get from logistics to feelings without blindsiding your partner What "relationship amnesia" looks like and how to recover those lost skills Why missing someone who's sitting right next to you hits so differently Resources & Links: Got a relationship question? DM @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook Leave a voicemail or text: 424-246-6255 Dates & Mates is a finalist for a Signal Award! We need your support to ensure Love Wins! Vote for Dates & Mates at damonahoffman.com/award Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens if you get to the third date and it still feels awkward? Grin and bear it? Or keep waiting for chemistry? And how can you trust that your gut is telling you the right thing? This week, a listener shares: "I met a man who checks every box on paper. He’s kind, reliable, matches my values… but I feel absolutely nothing. No spark. No butterflies. Is something wrong with me?" In this episode, Damona shares the truth about emotional resonance, why the three-date rule isn’t a trap, and how to tell the difference between being too picky and being truly honest with yourself. You’ll hear how to identify the signals your body sends you, why humor matters more than you think, and why being “decent” should never be the bar. What You'll Hear In This Episode: What the three-date rule really means (and what it doesn’t) Why “good on paper” doesn’t always translate to connection How to tell if you're genuinely curious or just people-pleasing The surprising role of humor in long-term compatibility How to do an energy check after every date What your nervous system is trying to tell you The difference between settling and staying open Connect With Us: Get your copy of "F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story" Unlock the Secret to Successful Dating with our ⁠⁠Date Tracker⁠⁠ Call or text your question to: 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on ⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠, ⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠, and submit questions via DM or voice memo anytime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Damona is joined by her longtime friend, TV and TikTok superstarMatchmaker Maria, a fourth-generation matchmaker with no time for fairy tale fluff. They get real about why dating feels so lonely now,, the truth about relationship timelines, and why your deep texting doesn’t count as actual connection. Whether you're stuck on the apps or spiraling in dating burnout, Maria shares practical tools from her new book Ask a Matchmaker that will help you reset your mindset, clarify your compatibility, and finally stop waiting for someone to “just get it.” What You’ll Hear In This Episode Why dating has become a solo sport and what to do about it The truth about the male loneliness epidemic and community loss How siloization is killing our dating lives Maria’s 5 pillars of compatibility and why they actually work How the 12-Date Rule leads to real connection (and yes, sex can wait) The sneaky trap of texting-as-dating Why bangs and Alicia Keys might be holding you back Resources and Links Connect with Maria on Instagram. Facebook, and TikTok Get the book ⁠Ask a Matchmaker⁠ Unlock the Secret to Successful Dating with our ⁠Date Tracker⁠ Call or text your question to: 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, and ⁠Facebook⁠, and submit questions via DM or voice memo anytime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We often talk about romance, but this week, we’re taking a closer look at the quiet epidemic affecting millions: the erosion of deep friendships and emotional openness, especially among men. What happens when someone says “I miss you”... and it feels too risky to say it back? How do cultural norms shape our ability to express care, and how can we start to rebuild emotional intimacy, not just in partnerships, but in friendships too? This week’s episode was inspired by a friend of the show, Douglas, whose candid moment with his wife sparked a much bigger conversation about vulnerability, gender norms, and the loneliness many are too afraid to name. This week, a listener shares: “Last night my wife told me she was getting lunch with a friend after getting a text that said ‘I miss you.’ I told her it’s nice women can say that — but guys can’t. She insisted we could. I’m not convinced. What do you think?” What You’ll Hear In This Episode: Why men’s close friendships have declined dramatically in the last 30 years How emotional repression becomes loneliness, rage, and disconnection Why “guys don’t say I miss you” is a cultural myth we need to break The generational shift that teaches boys to shut down emotional expression Three step-by-step scripts to help you reconnect or form new friendships How to create low-pressure connection points that foster deeper bonds Why you don’t need permission to reach out, just a little courage Resources & Links: Unlock the Secret to Successful Dating with our Date Tracker Call or text your question to: 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook, and submit questions via DM or voice memo anytime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’ve all had that one date…the one that felt like lightning. Everything clicks, and before you know it, you're imagining forever. But when you act on that high too quickly, reality can come crashing down hard. This week, a listener shares: “Late at night, I had to get these thoughts off my mind. I told her I felt like I think I'd found my wife. She expressed that she was disappointed that I would say this after what she told me about moving too fast and that it was best we not see each other.” In this episode, Damona breaks down what really happens when you come on too strong — and why even the most intense connection can’t be rushed. You’ll hear how fantasy thinking can override our better judgment, why texting late at night can sabotage a budding connection, and how to make amends when you've crossed a line. Most importantly, Damona offers real steps for recovery, both emotional and relational. The neuroscience behind why we overshare when we feel a spark How to tell if it’s a true connection or a fantasy projection Why texting your feelings late at night is rarely a good move What to say if you’ve overwhelmed someone with big emotions How to show up as your full self without rushing the process The one mistake people make after hearing someone’s boundary A script for taking accountability while leaving the door open Download the Frustration-Free Dating Guide: DamonaHoffman.com Leave a voicemail or text your question: 424-246-6255 Follow @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook DM or voice memo your question to be featured in a future Dear Damona segment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Grief changes us, and sometimes, it’s also what brings us together. This week, a listener shares: “My partner and I both lost our spouses, and we bonded over that. Now, three months in, I’m the only one opening up and being vulnerable. Am I asking too much? Or moving too fast?” In this episode, Damona explores what it really means to show up emotionally after loss, and why vulnerability often doesn’t look the same from both sides. You’ll hear how to honor your own emotional pace, set gentle boundaries, and recognize the difference between emotional availability and avoidance—even when love is in the room. What You’ll Hear In This Episode: Why shared grief doesn’t always mean shared emotional timing How to spot different expressions of vulnerability (and not miss what’s there) What to do when language that’s meant to be playful actually feels off How to speak up about emotional needs without creating conflict Why “moving in” can’t solve emotional distance Resources & Links: Download Damona’s Frustration Free Dating Guide at DatesandMates.com Got a question? Text or leave a voicemail for Damona at 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook Submit your question via voice memo or DM to have it answered on a future episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Friendships can be some of our most important relationships, but they don’t always stay the same. Careers, relationships, moves, and life stages can all shift the way we connect, sometimes leaving us wondering if the closeness we once had is gone for good. This week, a listener shares: “My best friend and I used to share everything. Lately, it’s just work updates and weekend plans. When I try to talk about deeper stuff, the subject changes. Are we growing apart, or is there a way back?” In this episode Damona shares why even the strongest bonds can feel distant and offers practical, low-pressure ways to reignite connection. You’ll learn how to adapt to friendship changes, bring back emotional depth, and keep your support network thriving without it feeling awkward or forced. Plus you’ll also get vital communication tips that you can apply to dating or to feel more connected to people in your world. What You’ll Hear In This Episode: The role of “resistance” in making things feel weird and how to lean into it Why longevity doesn’t always equal depth in a friendship Using shared memories and storytelling to re-open emotional doors The power of intentional questions and the “pause” in deepening connection Why diversifying your emotional support network is key to resilience Low-stakes ways to invite deeper conversations without making it awkward Resources & Links: Download Damona’s Frustration Free Dating Guide at DatesandMates.com Got a question? Text or leave a voicemail for Damona at 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook and submit your question via voicememo or DM to have it answered on a future episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A long-time listener sent in a heartfelt question: “My Mom constantly has opinions about who I should date, what kind of guy is right for me, even how I should look or act to attract the right person… one comment from her has me spiraling.” In this episode, Damona explores how well-meaning love advice can actually sabotage your future relationships and offers step-by-step strategies for gently setting boundaries and building up your own self-confidence. What You’ll Hear In This Episode: Why outside opinions (especially from parents) can derail your dating momentum How to shift from second-guessing to self-trust in your dating decisions The invisible cost of oversharing—and how to protect your emotional energy Pre-date and post-date rituals that build confidence and clarity Damona’s personal rulebook for managing advice overload When to share... and when to keep your dating life to yourself Resources & Links: Get clarity on your dating patterns with Damona’s FREE Date Tracker Have a question about dating or any relationship that matters to you? Text or leave a voicemail for Damona at 424-246-6255 DM @damonahoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A longtime listener sent in a question that speaks to something many women have wondered: “How does one become a woman who builds up a man and always makes them more confident and stronger? How do I get into my feminine state and energy around a guy on a date?” In this episode, Damona shares what it really means to be “in your feminine,” explores the gender polarity debate, and offers a new way to think about strength, softness, and self-worth in modern relationships. What You’ll Hear In This Episode: How to support your partner without losing yourself Why feminine energy isn’t a fix—it’s often a performance How dating narratives get passed down and when to rewrite them Why your wholeness—not your polarity—attracts the right match What true balance looks like in an equal partnership Resources & Links: Download Damona’s FREE Frustration-Free Dating Guide Got a question? Text or leave a voicemail for Damona at 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After watching The Materialists, a long-time listener sent in a question that struck a chord: “What’s it going to take for us to kill the curve and stop dating by height, BMI, salary, or things that don’t speak to true character?” In this episode, Damona unpacks the real-life impact of checklist dating, explores the illusions behind modern matchmaking, and responds with practical advice for anyone who’s ever felt overlooked or friend-zoned. Plus, she shares her “Nice Guy 9” framework—9 simple shifts that help you connect more deeply and date more intentionally. What You’ll Hear In This Episode: How dating checklists quietly sabotage real connection What The Materialists gets right—and dangerously wrong—about dating culture The matchmaking myth and what it really costs (literally and emotionally) Why bad boys always win—and why that isn’t actually what’s happening The Nice Guy Nine: Damona’s go-to dating strategy for deeper connection How to shift your love story by changing the stories you tell yourself Resources & Links: Download Damona’s FREE Date Tracker Got a question? Text or leave a voicemail for Damona at 424-246-6255 Follow @damonahoffman on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook Order F the Fairytale on Amazon, B&N, or from your local bookseller Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Damona takes on a question from longtime listener Vernee, who’s back in the dating scene after a hiatus… and hitting a wall when it comes to finding someone who shares her political and social justice values. Vernee asks: "I'm politically progressive, very values-driven, and living in a purple state. I've tried everything — hints in my profile, direct chats — but nothing’s working. Where are the men who believe what I believe?" If you’ve ever wondered how to communicate what matters without scaring people off — or how to find someone who’s actually aligned — this one’s for you. In this episode: • Why dating apps might feel harder now than they did just a few years ago • How political identity and core values have become deeply intertwined • What to say in your profile (and what to leave out) • Why texting about politics rarely works — and what to try instead • Where to meet values-aligned people beyond the apps • The line between staying open-minded and lowering your standards Submit your question: call or text 424-246-6255 Follow Damona on IG: @damonahoffman Get your free Date Tracker at damonahoffman.com Order F the Fairytale on Amazon, B&N, or from your local bookseller Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating today isn’t always smooth sailing. There’s ghosting, bad first dates, texting traps... and if you’re feeling stuck in the same old dating loops, you’re not alone. In this Dates & Mates Master Class, Damona Hoffman breaks down the eight most common dating mistakes she sees after 15+ years of coaching singles, and shares actionable fixes to help you date smarter, not harder. Whether you’re tired of swiping, struggling to make real connections, or caught in negative self-talk, this episode gives you the clarity and tools to reset your dating approach. What you’ll learn: How to stop ghosting, and stop getting ghosted The danger of “obliga-swiping” and how to date with intention Why texting too much before a date kills chemistry The power of refreshing your dating profile regularly How to overcome negative self-talk and fear of starting over Why having a dating plan beats waiting for a fairy tale If you have questions about your love life, Damona wants to hear from you. DM her on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook @damonahoffman or leave a voicemail at 424-246-6255 for a chance to have your question answered in an upcoming Dear Damona segment. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Damona Hoffman breaks down one of the most important moments in dating—the first date—and how to make it count. Whether you’re getting back out there or swiping with new optimism, this episode shares how to set yourself up for success so that first date leads to a second. Damona covers everything from whether to Google your date to how long a first date should really last, what to wear, where to go, and how to follow up. She even shares seven fun, low-pressure first date ideas that help build real connection. What you’ll learn: How long a first date should actually last Why dinner dates don’t set you up for success The value of a pre-date phone call (and when to do video) What to wear to make the best first impression How to choose a first date location that creates connection Seven easy, fun, and affordable first date ideas If you have a relationship or communicationquestion you’d like answered on a future episode, send Damona a DM on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok @damonahoffman or leave a voicemail at 424-246-6255. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices