Slate Culture

On this episode: Slate senior producer Cheyna Roth joins Zak Rosen and Elizabeth Newcamp to debate wedding ceremony etiquette. A listener’s kid is the flower girl at a friend’s wedding. But now it turns out the flower girl is NOT invited to the wedding reception. Is this fair? They dig into whether kids make a wedding better, logistics, and more. But first, in another edition of Triumphs and Fails, Cheyna deals with a week-long bus cancellation, Elizabeth celebrates a big birthday, and Zak has to deal with Tooth Fairy fallout. Mentioned In the Episode: Who Owns the Tooth Fairy? - Decoder Ring Join us on Facebook and email us at careandfeedingpod@slate.com to ask us new questions, tell us what you thought of today’s show, and give us ideas about what we should talk about in future episodes. You can also call our phone line: (646) 357-9318. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get to hang out with us on the Plus Playground every week for a whole additional grab-bag of content — and you’ll get an ad-free experience across the network. And you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Care and Feeding. Sign up now at slate.com/careplus – or try it out on Apple Podcasts. Listen to Opportunity Gap wherever you get your podcasts: ⁠⁠https://lnk.to/opportunitygapPS!careandfeeding⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kate Lindsay and Candice Lim wade through the negative reactions to Taylor Swift’s album The Life of a Showgirl. From outdated meme references to clunky shots at other female artists, Swift’s album indicates an oddly distant relationship with the internet. However, is she a devious online mastermind or a blundering millennial? Plus, why it’s important that this album’s backlash has gone largely unchallenged by fellow Swifties. Get more of ICYMI with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of ICYMI and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the ICYMI show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/icymiplus for access wherever you listen. This podcast is produced by Vic Whitley-Berry, Daisy Rosario, Candice Lim, and Kate Lindsay. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Earlier this year, a tweet went out from the official account of the Democratic Party, tagging the Trump advisor Stephen Miller. It was an image of what appeared to be a simple hotel room chair. But for those in the know, it was much more than that: It was a “cuck chair,” an online meme straight out of a popular genre of hardcore pornography in which a man watches his partner have sex with another man. How did we get to a place where the Democrats could flame a political opponent with an image out of cucking porn and have millions of people immediately understand it? In this episode we trace the complicated and intricate history of the cuck. It’s a history that includes everything from Jacobean dramas to World War II pilots to, yes, pornography, as well as a host of deeply American prejudices that have become a lot less submerged over the last 10 years. And we also situate the cuck within a larger context, one in which porn is the elephant in the room of American culture. It’s a potent force, shaping and reflecting our very wants and desires and it is constantly seeping into mainstream culture—and yet we don’t analyze, critique, or even talk about it very much because, well, it’s porn. In this NSFW episode, you’ll hear from: Slate staff writer Luke Winkie who wrote about the tweet that kicked this episode off; Samantha Cole, one of co-founders of 404 Media and the author of How Sex Changed the Internet and the Internet Changed Sex; Jennifer Panek, professor of English at the University of Ottawa; sex therapist and clinical psychologist Dr. David S. Ley; Dr. Justin Lehmiller, social psychologist, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, and podcast host; Mireille Miller-Young, associate professor of feminist studies at UC Santa Barbara and the author of A Taste for Brown Sugar: Black Women in Pornography, and New York Magazine tech columnist John Herrman. This episode was written by Willa Paskin. It was edited by Josh Levin and produced by Katie Shepherd, Willa Paskin, Max Freedman, and Evan Chung, Decoder Ring’s supervising producer. Merritt Jacob is Senior Technical Director, and we had help from Sophie Summergrad. We’d also like to thank Gabriel Roth, Talia Lavin, Tatum Hunter, Rebecca Fasman, Jessica Stoya, Aiden Starr, Perrin Swanmoore, Sophie Gilbert, and Kevin Heffernan, who was a fount of knowledge. If you have any cultural mysteries you want us to decode, email us at DecoderRing@slate.com or leave a message on our hotline at (347) 460-7281. Get more of Decoder Ring with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of Decoder Ring and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Decoder Ring show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/decoderplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week’s show, our fighters Steve, Julia, and Dana enter the ring to tussle over The Smashing Machine, the Dwayne Johnson vehicle directed by Benny Safdie. Can they smell what the Rock is cooking? Is it a subtly modulated performance about a sensitive pro UFC fighter? Or, a shameless Oscar play? Next, it’s on to the offbeat climes of Tulsa, Oklahoma by way of The Lowdown, a shaggy noir series created by Sterlin Harjo and starring Ethan Hawke. Finally, they gaze into the uncanny eyes of Tilly Norwood, the A.I. beauty that launched a thousand think pieces and a Hollywood freakout. On an exclusive bonus episode for Slate Plus subscribers, the panel unburies an old hatchet to discuss Elizabeth Gilbert’s newest memoir. Email us your thoughts at culturefest@slate.com. Podcast production by Benjamin Frisch. Production assistance by Daniel Hirsch. Endorsements Dana: The N+1 essay "Large Language Muddle" and Isaac Butler's deep dive on Daniel Day-Lewis in Slate. Julia: Walking in Coal Oil Point Natural Reserve. Steve: James Meek's essay in The London Review of Books "Computers that want things" and the novel Gargoyles by Thomas Bernhard (and welcomes listener suggestions for what else to read by Bernhard). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jen is raising a pretty stellar 9-year-old son. With his tween and teen years on the horizon, she wants to steer him toward kindness, acceptance, and openness—and away from the pitfalls of toxic masculinity. On this episode, How To!’s Carvell Wallace brings on Ashanti Branch, founder of The Ever Forward Club and host of unMASKing with Male Educators. Ashanti offers his advice on talking with boys about their emotions, understanding the “mask” that young men present to the world, and building trust and confidence—by acknowledging that adults don’t have all the answers. If you liked this episode check out: How To Parent Less and How To Make Friends … Like a Man Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Photojournalist Peter Van Agtmael once believed war images could change the world. But after two decades documenting violence, his views and soul were deeply altered. In this episode, he reflects on America’s conflicts at home and abroad, truth in photography, and what happens when your work is co-opted for someone else’s agenda. Peter’s book is called “Look at the U.S.A.: A Diary of War and Home,“ and he has a show at the Corcoran School of the Arts and Design until January 25th. You can see his 2015 KKK wedding photo here. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hosts Alex Kirshner, Lindsay Gibbs, and Ben Lindbergh speak to Slate’s Nitish Pahwa about prediction markets and the legally gray future of gambling. Then they turn to college football and Bill Belichick’s messy start at UNC. The panel wraps with a discussion of Napheesa Collier’s recent criticism of WNBA commissioner Cathy Engelbert and the backlash it caused. On the bonus episode available exclusively for Slate Plus members, Bad Bunny hits the Super Bowl halftime stage! Prediction Markets (3:35): Kalshi’s big bet Belichick (25:12): The greatest coach keeps laying eggs WNBA (41:06): Collier vs. Engelbert (Note: time codes are only accurate for Slate Plus members, who listen ad-free.) Get more Hang Up and Listen with Slate Plus! Join for weekly bonus episodes of Hang Up and Listen and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Hang Up and Listen show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or visit slate.com/hangupplus for access wherever you listen. You can email us at hangup@slate.com. Podcast production and editing by Kevin Bendis, with production assistance from Patrick Fort. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode: Lucy Lopez, Elizabeth Newcamp, and Zak Rosen have a question from a mom who is TOUCHED OUT. The ‘Rents give parents everywhere permission to establish boundaries and walk away from kids when they’re being too aggressive or just won’t leave them alone. But first, they share their latest insight into the Labubu community and dealing with the big trends your kids HAVE to be a part of. This week in Slate Plus: Recommendations for lunches and snacks kids can take to school. Join us on Facebook and email us at careandfeedingpod@slate.com to ask us new questions, tell us what you thought of today’s show, and give us ideas about what we should talk about in future episodes. You can also call our phone line: (646) 357-9318. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get to hang out with us on the Plus Playground every week for a whole additional grab-bag of content — and you’ll get an ad-free experience across the network. And you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Care and Feeding. Sign up now at slate.com/careplus – or try it out on Apple Podcasts. Listen to Opportunity Gap wherever you get your podcasts: ⁠⁠https://lnk.to/opportunitygapPS!careandfeeding⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How one of the largest video game companies was bought for $55 billion by a group that includes Saudi Arabia’s sovereign wealth fund and Jared Kushner. Guest: Jason Schreier, Bloomberg reporter Want more What Next TBD? Subscribe to Slate Plus to access ad-free listening to the whole What Next family and all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe today on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of our show page. Sign up now at slate.com/whatnextplus to get access wherever you listen. Podcast production by Evan Campbell, and Patrick Fort. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode, hosts Candice Lim and Kate Lindsay are joined by Slate senior editor Tony Ho Tran to talk about why it matters that EA Games has been sold to Saudi Arabia and Jared Kushner. In addition to likely cost-cutting, this new ownership puts games like The Sims even more at risk of censorship, especially when it comes to LGBTQ+ characters. If your Sim groom can’t end up making out with his new father-in-law at the end of his wedding, then what is The Sims even for? Get more of ICYMI with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of ICYMI and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the ICYMI show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/icymiplus for access wherever you listen. This podcast is produced by Daisy Rosario, Vic Whitley-Berry, Candice Lim, and Kate Lindsay. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TikTok exploded to popularity not by giving users what they asked for—but by figuring out what users really were interested in, and serving that. What happens to this algorithm if Bytedance cedes control of it to the U.S.? Guest: Emily Baker White, senior writer at Forbes and the author of Every Screen on the Planet: The War Over TikTok Want more What Next TBD? Subscribe to Slate Plus to access ad-free listening to the whole What Next family and all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe today on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of our show page. Sign up now at slate.com/whatnextplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode: On this episode: Lucy Lopez, Elizabeth Newcamp, and Zak Rosen get real about onesies. A Slate mom wants to know if she can buy her son onesies about her. He has a lot that celebrates his dad, like “daddy’s little xyz” but none about his mom! They dish on favorite onesies, whether these outfits are actually terrible, and more. But first, they share their latest triumphs and fails: what happens when a sitter soft cancels, how to deal with a missing lovie, and an incredible reunion between Zak and Elizabeth. Mentioned in the Show: Martha of Miami Jia Collection Elephant & Co. If you’re not part of the Slate Plus community, we hope you’ll consider joining! Keep reading to learn how. Join us on Facebook and email us at careandfeedingpod@slate.com to ask us new questions, tell us what you thought of today’s show, and give us ideas about what we should talk about in future episodes. You can also call our phone line: (646) 357-9318. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get to hang out with us on the Plus Playground every week for a whole additional grab-bag of content — and you’ll get an ad-free experience across the network. And you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Care and Feeding. Sign up now at slate.com/careplus – or try it out on Apple Podcasts. Listen to Opportunity Gap wherever you get your podcasts: ⁠⁠https://lnk.to/opportunitygapPS!careandfeeding⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Candice Lim and Kate Lindsay pour one out for MTV’s Catfish, which was recently cancelled by MTV after 9 seasons and 12 years. Back in 2010, Nev Schulman was the subject of the Catfish documentary, which revealed the heartbreaking truth about a woman he fell in love with online. The documentary helped coin the internet phenomenon of people creating fake personas to manipulate, extort, or trick others online. However, instead of scamming for money, the protagonists of MTV’s Catfish were coerced into emotional relationships that turned their rom-coms into horror films. With Catfish leaving the airwaves, what has changed about the show (and the internet) since its inception? And why couldn’t the show keep up with a scam culture that is more advanced than ever before? Get more of ICYMI with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of ICYMI and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the ICYMI show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/icymiplus for access wherever you listen. This podcast is produced by Vic Whitley-Berry, Daisy Rosario, Candice Lim, and Kate Lindsay. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week’s dispatch, Dana is joined by comrades in arms Sam Adams and Isaac Butler to take on Paul Thomas Anderson’s thrilling and incendiary new film One Battle After Another. Starring Leonard DiCaprio, the action epic depicts an America one notch away from our own fractured republic. Does the target of its revolutionary fantasia hit too close? They discuss. Next, they kvell about Long Story Short, the new, time-jumping family comedy from the creators of BoJack Horseman. Finally, they turn to the Great White Way to assess the dire state of the business of Broadway musicals as written about in a recent piece by Michael Paulson in the New York Times. There was so much to say about One Battle After Another, the gang kept gabbing for an exclusive Slate Plus bonus episode. Email us your thoughts at culturefest@slate.com. Podcast production by Benjamin Frisch. Production assistance by Daniel Hirsch. Endorsements Sam: If possible, seeing One Battle After Another in its native format VistaVision. Isaac: The Criterion Channel’s Robert Altman collection and for a great date night movie Splitsville. Dana: The writing of the late Kaleb Horton, particularly his essay "walking through los angeles when the crows are screaming and going through your garbage." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After seven years of trying to conceive, Lauren is ending fertility treatments and starting a new journey: adoption. She’s excited about this unexpected detour into parenthood—but she’s also grieving the loss of something deeply personal that she desired for so long. On this episode: How To!’s Courtney Martin brings on Ada Limón, author of the new book Startlement and the current U.S. poet laureate. Ada offers Lauren guidance on finding strength and joy in this unplanned chapter of her life—and on rethinking our own expectations for our bodies and our lives. If you liked this episode check out How To Become a Parent Overnight and How To Build a Marriage That Lasts. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Anna learns about how frustrating it is to apply for jobs these days, especially for early-career folks, even those with college degrees. First, Jeopardy champion Brendan Liaw talks about what it was like to list his job as “stay-at-home son” on national television. Then Slate writer Nitish Pahwa explains why talented people like Brendan are having such a hard time securing work. And finally, Anna discusses the growing prevalence of layoffs with Melanie Ehrenkranz, who writes a newsletter appropriately called Laid Off. Mentioned in the episode: “Why Are There No F-ing Jobs?” -Nitish Pahwa Is A.I. Taking Your Job? -What Next TBD This episode was produced by Cameron Drews. Get more Death, Sex & Money with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of DSM and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Death, Sex & Money show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/dsmplus to get access wherever you listen. If you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hosts Alex Kirshner, Ben Lindbergh, and Lindsay Gibbs speak to Fried Egg Golf’s Kevin Van Valkenburg about the American crowds, President, and golf lapses at the Ryder Cup. Ben previews the MLB playoffs, and the hosts discuss the purchase of Electronic Arts by Jared Kushner and a Saudi investment fund. For Afterballs, Ben dusts off a copy of Robert Redford’s oft-forgotten and underrated ski film, Downhill Racer. On the bonus episode available exclusively for Slate Plus members, Lindsay recounts the drama of the WNBA semifinals. Ryder Cup (6:18): American losers MLB (23:19): Mets gonna Mets E.A. Sports (42:33): It’s in the…sovereign wealth fund? Afterballs (54:18): Remembering Downhill Racer (Note: time codes are only accurate for Slate Plus members, who listen ad-free.) Get more Hang Up and Listen with Slate Plus! Join for weekly bonus episodes of Hang Up and Listen and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Hang Up and Listen show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or visit slate.com/hangupplus for access wherever you listen. You can email us at hangup@slate.com. Podcast production and editing by Kevin Bendis, with production assistance from Patrick Fort. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, award-winning journalist and podcaster Elise Hu joins the show to talk about her new podcast Raising Us, where she explores how parents can handle the trickiest questions kids throw their way. A mom of three, Elise shares her own experiences with curiosity, honesty, and the moments where parents don’t have a neat answer. She also helps Lucy and Elizabeth respond to a listener question about navigating conflicts with grandparents who may not share or respect your parenting choices. Join us on Facebook and email us at careandfeedingpod@slate.com to ask us new questions, tell us what you thought of today’s show, and give us ideas about what we should talk about in future episodes. You can also call our phone line: (646) 357-9318. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get to hang out with us on the Plus Playground every week for a whole additional grab-bag of content — and you’ll get an ad-free experience across the network. And you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Care and Feeding. Sign up now at slate.com/careplus – or try it out on Apple Podcasts. Listen to Opportunity Gap wherever you get your podcasts: ⁠⁠https://lnk.to/opportunitygapPS!careandfeeding⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode, hosts Candice Lim and Kate Lindsay are joined by Spitfire News writer Kat Tenbarge to discuss how reactions to Charlie Kirk’s death are prompting us to reexamine free speech. In her piece, “Is anyone going to defend free speech online?” she explains how this right has long been under threat. From legal challenges to biased algorithms, the internet is being censored right before our eyes—but there are still ways we can fight back. Get more of ICYMI with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of ICYMI and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the ICYMI show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/icymiplus for access wherever you listen. This podcast is produced by Daisy Rosario, Vic Whitley-Berry, Candice Lim, and Kate Lindsay. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the rarefied world of smash pop singles, there are No. 1s—and there are No. 1 debuts. Entering Billboard’s Hot 100 at the top is one of the hardest tricks in music. In fact, it wasn’t possible in the U.S. until 1995. That’s when the record labels hacked the Hot 100 and figured out how to send new singles straight into the chart penthouse. But scoring a No. 1 in Week One doesn’t mean it’s built to last. For every enduring hit like “Fantasy,” “Shake It Off” or “Hello,” there are plenty of one-off oddities, coronation pabulum from American Idol finalists, and even a few missteps from chart luminaries. Within a couple of years these fast-breaking hits may be forgotten—never to be spun on the radio or streamed on Spotify. Join Chris Molanphy as he explores the chart calculus, superfan interventions, and fluky conditions that create a perfect storm of pop-chart insta-success. It’s a parade of pop bangers that scored a fast pass to the front of the line.Get more Hit Parade with Slate Plus! Join for monthly early-access episodes, bonus episodes of "The Bridge," and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe directly from the Hit Parade show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/hitparadeplus to get access wherever you listen. Podcast production by Kevin Bendis and Olivia Briley. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices