Kagro in the Morning

David Waldman is back to sort out the weekend chaos. Belated RIP to Ace Frehley, yet Greg Dworkin is back in his New York groove today, presenting links from Ex-Twitter, which, alas, is still with us. Not long for this New York mayoral race world is Andrew Cuomo, whose absence won’t be felt like Curtis Sliwa, world’s easiest interview subject. Silwa voters aren’t part of the Mamdanimentum, btw. No Kings rallies had a very nice day. Several million pleasant people at a few thousand locations made their presence known to everybody other than the New York Times. Sadly, in these days and times, terrorists will inevitably show up wherever large groups of patriotic Americans gather. Terrorist in Chief, Donald K. Trump wishes he could have been at all of them. Kenny Loggins is pretty certain that Trump is more of a bottom gun, but Mike Johnson believes that Donald is just perfect the way he is. Trump notes that the Constitution plainly states that he’s allowed to be king, just like 50 or 60 of his predecessors did 1000 to 1500% of the time. Unfortunately, he could be right. It turns out that the test for enemy terrorist drug runners is the same as the test for witches: If they float, they are innocent. Marco Rubio betrayed drug gang informants to get the El Salvadoran prison deal. Trump is betraying American ranchers to pay off Argentina. Australia discovers that they aren’t on the good end of the kickback seesaw. JD Just Dance Vance was almost taken out by a Marines artillery shell. No way could his ear have withstood that.

David Waldman drops us off in time for our weekend fun, but not without some parting words of wisdom. We’re so sorry, Uncle Albert, but Admiral Alvin Holsey has notified the US Southern Command that he will be departing only a year into his 3-year mission of slaughtering Trinidadian fishermen. Pete Hegseth will drown his sorrows this weekend with Jeanine Pirro, who also hasn’t been able to catch a break or a conviction. Multiple judges have shut down multiple Chicago attempts at military takeover and harassment of citizens. Karoline Leavitt wants to throw judges and their laws in jail. Schools are actually winning their cases against Trump, but that’s just not as fun for retail media to report. Now, shooting missiles across California Interstate 5, that’s a media event. So is indicting John Bolton, who probably deserves indictment, maybe for what he was indicted for. Russian drones and jets keep wandering into NATO countries. Now little green men are reemerging along the border.

David Waldman delivers another two hours of merriment and erudition. Unfortunately, Greg Dworkin’s construction project is in its final stages, so his time was necessarily restricted. Vile, deplorable, Nazi-loving young Gops are… exactly that, as anyone related to, acquainted with, or standing behind them in Arby’s will tell you. The White House looks into the mirror and sees nothing. JD Just Dance Vance says that under 40-year-old boys will be boys. Mike Johnson kinda digs the bad boys but has his son’s number in case he goes overboard. BUT!! ...WHAT ABOUT Jay Jones? BUT!! ...WHAT ABOUT Graham Platner? New Jersey is what New Jersey was for a while now. John Fetterman, however, has changed, and so should his support. 2,500 No Kings protests are set for this Saturday. Republicans who hate America will hate you for going to these things. Luckily for us, Democrats are filled with love and are law-abiding patriots with sympathy and trust abounding, and this will be plain for all to see. We are a bit late, though. At least if the intent is to prevent a monarchy. That ship has sailed, along with the budget. The budget is whatever Donald K. Trump says it is, to whomever he has said it to, until he says differently. All professional and amateur sports will be relocated to St. Louis, Missouri. What’s left of the IRS will be pursuing anyone who ever checked a “D” box in an election. Sure, that’s “a crime”, but try telling that to our new Sheriffs of Nottingham.

David Waldman survived to Wednesday! He can breathe again! Greg Dworkin has been adding the finishing touches on his home renovation yet still had the time to tow in a raft o’ stories for us today. With government shut down, Democrats have even more time to convene focus groups to work out what their thoughts might be on a given subject. Perhaps the next poll will lend some clarity to their subsequent moral stand. “Pollingism” is trying to follow to where you guess people are heading. “Magnetism” is deciding to lead to where you believe people should go. Magnetism is at the center of Zohran Mamdanism. Young Gop leaders obviously do not focus group their statements and only speak from the heart. Donald K. Trump kills 6 more people and dares anyone to try to stop him. “You and whose army?” takes on a new meaning as Trump assembles his own troops. Los Angeles County declares a state of emergency over immigration raids, so FEMA better load up. Meanwhile, unfortunately, the National Guard has something constructive to do after Typhoon Halong devastated western Alaska communities. The Trump Supreme Court draws the line at Alex Jones.

Donald Trump shipped 50% of USRDA of crazy overseas this weekend, with a trip to Israel and Egypt to collect some unusual MAGA hats, and to try to get into heaven. The good news is, the hostage/prisoner swap has taken place and the guns are (at least temporarily) silent. Or at least that’s what we hear. But we hear a lot of things about this deal. Many people must be saying them. The weekend at home was therefore about half as crazy as usual, but routine in all the sad ways they sometimes are. The loss of an entertainment icon, for one. And lots of gun violence, in places where zero National Guard troops are on their way. Essential background on a continuing source of crazy—Bill Pulte—proves once again how deeply weird top Trumpers really are. The rich are different. By which we mean weirder than normal weird. Normies, by contrast, are still pretty normal. Which only makes the Deeply Weird that much more suspicious of them, given that they’re usually busy committing the same violations, but on a much grander scale. The “case against” Letitia James continues in what we can only hope is its death spiral, which can only surprise Pam Bondi in that she was apparently surprised by the case being brought at all. Is it just a case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing? If so, it’s not limited to the DOJ. The CDC, for instance, fired everybody in sight over the weekend, then scrambled to rehire them (again) before Monday. Dominion Voting Systems is under new ownership, by which we mean Republican. Going forward, the company appears poised to forgive defamation judgments against… Republicans and just maybe, “Twitter files-style,” prove its new owners “right” about vote-rigging. Would that be enough to ensure success in 2026? If not, Gop activists in Oregon have a proposed solution: kick the Oregon (and maybe Washington) delegations out of Congress. Lastly, a reminder that the traditions of “judicial deference” and the “presumption of regularity” are earned benefits, not entitlements. And at least one judge has laid out a path forward on that. (I mean, what kind of judgemental deference do you give to a guy promising you 1,500% discounts?)

David Waldman places our basinet at the Gateway to Chaos, rings the bell and slips away, but first sings us one more two-hour lullaby: If only María Corina Machado went fishing more often, Donald K. Trump would be painting his TRUMP Nobel Peace Prize gold today. Now, who does he have to blow up to score next year’s? The tough part for Donald will be pretending to be humanitarian for yet another year, the easy part will be that Bibi will let him declare peace every year if he wants. Trump only has to have his boy Jared Kushner “get to a yes” first, and then… Well, then there is no “second step”. Of what use would be a “second step”? Trump has found less use for peace in this country. Stephen Miller said the words “plenary authority” out loud on CNN, then had to pause to orgasm. National Guard units in Chicago are now useless, even for picking up the trash. Kristi Noem will remind people in airport lines that “Ignorance is Strength”. With James Comey, and now Letitia James, the goal is to get to an indictment. Again, there is no second step. A judge won’t let Trump regulate federal elections. Soon, he won’t need to. Meanwhile, election denier/Andrew Tate fanboy Paul Ingrassia is set to be installed to watch over elections and would also like to be installed to watch over female employees.

David Waldman brings us one day closer to… whatever that is up ahead. Greg Dworkin is still renovating yet still has time to drop by for a chat. Donald K. Trump has a new can of gold Rust-Oleum waiting for his Nobel Prize this Friday, but first he must attend to his conquest of Portland, the crushing of his adversaries, subjugation of the masses, etc. His commands, spoken face down in his morning oatmeal, are then relayed to Nikolai Yezhov, or in his absence, Stephen Miller and the She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi. The government shutdown has now riled Democrats into actually walking over to Republicans and asking them questions. It’s pushed Marjorie Taylor Greene to the point of empathy. It’s even made Chuck Schumer… ornery. It might even help save health care. There’s even a possibility that it might save the United States. What’s in it for Trump, though? The war between the states front has moved from the courts, to right outside the court, to right over to the judges themselves.

With the atoning done, it’s time to set about stockpiling sins for next year. So, it’s time to get mad all over again! As usual, the Trump “administration” makes it easy. But first, from outside of his jurisdiction comes the Yom Kippur news we all feared: a synagogue attacked in Manchester. Top of the charts here at home: emerging details of the horrific and entirely un-American ICE raid in Chicago in the wee hours on Tuesday. This one might even bother the normies. Speaking of ICE raids, Apple bows to pressure and removes “ICEBlock” from its App Store. Hey, who remembers when there was $44 billion worth of right-wing outrage over alleged government pressure on Twitter? Wrong Jewish holiday reference, but… Why is this shutdown different from all other shutdowns? And in what ways is this shutdown no different from any others? The culture war on the education front is heating up once again, with Trump issuing a new ransom note to America’s universities. If you’re wondering what happens when a college administration actually follows such “advice,” the answer is: it sucks. Which may be why Gavin Newsom is angling for ways to defeat the plan. I knew we weren’t done learning how dumb-looking and embarrassing Trump’s UK trip was! The Semiquincentennial is gonna be so lit!

David Waldman shoves us through the gateway to chaos, then runs over to Monday with a giant catcher’s mitt. On the Day of Rapture, Donald K. Trump found that couldn’t even go up on an escalator. He cried like a dog about that at the UN along with everything else outside of when he wasn’t braggadocio do-do-ing. People have determined that he is nuts, including, bit by bit, the mainstream media and even a few Republicans. Ok, so Trump’s crazy, now what? Who and whose army is going to stop him? Pete Hic-seth has invited hundreds of senior military officers to party down in Virginia with him, open bar all night! Let’s see whose strategy can handle him. Europe has already entered World War III. Strange offspring of Halliburton and the Culligan Man, Lindsey Halligan, checked one more off Trump’s enemy list. (The list that ends with you.) Today it’s James Comey turn with a grand jury indictment, show trial, hundreds of hours of Fox coverage, etc. The verdict is irrelevant. Pam Bondi is transferring the people Joe Biden would not kill to places where they will wish they died. Trump’s radical transparency extends to the personal information of Democratic contenders, then becomes opaquer… Never mind that FBI agent they are investigating for investigating Alex Jones… Attention incels! Check out Alex Jones’ one weird trick to score hot females! Billions in taxpayer dollars have become virtually untraceable. You don’t want to know where they’re going anyhow. Donations to Krisi Noem will move you right to the head of the FEMA line. Government is never slow when it comes to jokes about them.

See? It wasn’t the end of the world! David Waldman, and Greg Dworkin are back on the air! So is Jimmy Kimmel! That is all thanks to “We the People”, and not just those of us who were binging as fast as possible to maybe get around to cancelling Disney+… and we would have too! But also, those standing up to ABC from everywhere to demand accountability, including people that they actually knew and cared about. Donald K. Trump will not be tuning in. (He totally watched every minute.) Many stations still won’t air the show. Did you know that “stations” still... “air” ... “shows”? Everyone agrees that Trump seems to have experienced a massive “masterstroke” at the UN yesterday, perhaps a series of them. Donald will be autopenning his posts for a while. We also welcome back Jeffery Epstein, who became impossible to suspend, either by executive or royal decree. Arizona’s special election could give Dems enough votes to make Mike Johnson’s job holding fig leaves in place a lot tougher. Let’s see Trump Article 2 himself out of this one! Ryan Walters, Trump Bible salesman-superintendent, wants Turning Point in every Oklahoma high school and Charlie Kirk statues in every state university in the US. Sounds like a design job for some Etsy Witches.